Friday, March 7, 2025

Welcome To My Daydream

I try to make my clothing as evocative as possible. It’s because the sunlight has an elsewhere in it. And nowhere else to go. Nothing jams a zipper like rust. In the old days, when the blackberries appeared on the vine, and a simple forelock could sustain a veranda, we did the mashed potato. This was before the furrows held water. I know differently now. I can nullify our assumptions with a piccolo. Go push a desk. I mouth hawks during chivalry. Sound is to glass what gas is to quandary. Another offspring due to femininity. Most of my feelings are auburn, and being somewhat of an expert on daydreaming, this isn’t the first wall I’ve walked into. What wall, one might well ask. There is no wall. And to that I say welcome, welcome to my daydream.

The depth it takes to hold a spoon is watery. It wanders through me like a sentence. I push, I accept, we adapt. The sentence readjusts. It becomes a celebration. The surrounding greenery signals its doctrine of chlorophyll. The pitcher in the middle fills with detail. Gorgeous from every angle, my thermostat is torn between absurdism and quantum entanglement. The room is never too hot or cold it’s always fissionable. The algebra there is always in upheaval. Picasso’s teasing asserts a giddy acceleration. It was the summer I climbed below gravity to find some curriculum. Wet with fascination, a chronology jaywalks across a wasteland in search of a worry. Paradise reflects the grass this thunders. We send all the cocoons we groom to Nineveh.

I scribble an impiety in grease next to the shop of improbable shapes. A woman comes out and tells me that faith is the fog of a long disquiet. I engorge with equilibrium. I tell her I’m waiting for a religion to materialize. This is the hunger walking around in me seeking solidarity. I skim a staircase during onions. And suddenly, out of nowhere, an olive appears. Clearly, garnishment sends its radar out to map our intentions. Everything hinges on accelerants. The next step I take will determine the course of my ascent. Either I shoot right up, or the sheen of my sweat will pack a mighty railroad. I'll know what to do when the time comes. I adjust my anonymity. I feel lucky. The epilogue remains speechless.

This much I know: I need to learn how to transform data into actionable insights. Otherwise, what’s the whole point of the mackerel? Let the mind exceed its ideas of scale and trigonometry to stimulate one’s improvisations. I shall continue my painting drop by drop until it perceives a loophole, allowing me to walk into a different performance. Meanwhile I’m going to stop all the candles until my adulthood arrives. There’s a cactus that awakens the climate. We won't need a wide-eyed vein antenna. But we will need a thought to dangle over the abyss of our flatulence. I will get some clay for my insistence on yardarms and spars. Something needs to be done. Every pulse adheres to a specific muscle. We pound our blood with foreboding. There’s a curve in our proposal that is silly with grouse. How much longer need I point to the sky? Don't bang a fingernail to spite the cat. It all works out in the end. 

Tuesday, March 4, 2025

Pixies In Pixels Garlic In Garamond

The olive tree is a stump to the river. I’m straining to understand the situation. There’s an abstraction beyond the construction of the eyes that fulminates like a landscape measured in quarks. It has those deep blues you find in the Proto-Renaissance of Italian art, those earthy tones of burnt Sienna and Venetian red, pigments like Terra Rosa and gold leaf halos. We come now to a hiatus in our amble, a massive furrow of fallow life, teeming with worms. The shovels lying around the grounds display a certain sagacity, a knowledge like grilled eggplant, and a drizzle of good olive oil. Perhaps this will help explain the reason I've chosen this moment to structure an apology for you, and why it's taking so long to get to the end of this sentence, which was originally intended to be a tiny wrinkle in the fabric of space and time, and has grown into this kingdom of garlic, in which aesthetic considerations trump economics, thereby causing butter.

I consider butter to be among some of my richest experiences on planet Earth. Everything tastes better with butter. And by everything I mean russet and rural and ruthlessly gurgled. Something like a sun. And a fence. And a day in the country, hunting cranberries. I think it’s high time we got to know one another. You’ve been coyly glancing aside at something peripheral all afternoon, something in the field of our vision that I haven’t written down yet. What is it? I’m not a mind reader. Unless, of course, the mind has rendered itself in an alphabet, a body of words streaming forth in the air, or flowing in stillness upon the paper of a page. Bobbing up and down. Or floating in a milieu of digital code. Fonts. Helvetica or Roboto. Pixels in a screen. Penguins on a shelf. Proteins in a proton. Polygamy in a porthole. Pixies in the meadow. Pixies in the forest. Pixies in the bathroom. Pixies on stage. Doing “Where Is My Mind?”

There’s a drama near us blinking plays. I think what's needed now is a boat propeller, something to move us forward in time. I’d like to get a closer look at the trellis in your blouse. If you could step forward and bow down a minute, the surrounding environment will make better sense, and things may evolve in different directions, mahogany in the rain, say, or a blue sweater abandoned by a river, and hanging from a branch of Amazonian cedar. I’m not the bombard I once thought I was. Just another rare species of clown with a brain in one hand and a cantaloupe in the other. Do people still carry notebooks? I do. But I’m weird. Always have been. Always will be. I'd rather be at the end of the beginning than the beginning of the end. That’s not a preference, that’s a commitment. My sense of belonging demands a casserole, at least. I want to hear that oven door opening. And all the way from the shores of Lake Geneva, and the Origin of the World, by Gustave Courbet, who knew a good brush when he saw one, and painted with the delicacy of a guest. 

Sunday, March 2, 2025

The Gift Of Speech

I love this time of year. Winter loosens its grip and the air begins to warm. Everything hovers on a threshold of blossoming. Scientists caress their abstractions. Our inner gold aches and murmurs. It takes a sensitive pair of hands to fondle a conversation. The jokes are good and the punchlines accentuate our exultation. Reveries engulf the lyceum. We hear the lucidity of scruples warm the logic of soap. We hear things from very far away, tauntingly indefinable yet vaguely familiar. The sound of thunder on the surface of Venus is deliciously eerie. What does the other side of my life sound like? The rustle of a gown in the Hall of Mirrors at the Palace of Versailles. Madness in its apogee. Frank Zappa talking to Joan Rivers on the Tonight Show, 1986. Please don’t mock my children’s names. I urge a new rebellion against generalization. All else may be considered details.

The future? It's still too distant to know for sure. Is it an Oort cloud, or a contusion? The life I started 77 years ago is still hugely influenced by music. That doesn’t sound entirely convincing. Would it be more accurate to say that the life that started me 77 years ago was largely induced by hunger? Which never gets satisfied. Not completely. Some do better than others. You can see it in their apathy. We don’t have fur like other animals, or instincts or fangs. What we have is largely myrtle and folklore. Skin is quite sensitive and requires wool and gyration. It’s a defining moment. Everyone has their own cherished opinion regarding paddling a kayak. But one thing is universally accepted as true: music is a large thick bowl of consciousness. It's like sipping wine with your ears instead of your mouth. Melodies bend everything towards life, like Nina Simone, while a variety of rhythms shape our convulsions, like André Breton. The tongue fire has a pleasant taste. It wraps itself around our needs and gives us the gift of speech.

There is a hummingbird in the park that I have become very fond of. We communicate by telepathic confetti. It has 88 tentacles and a head the size of the Hagia Sophia. Maybe it’s not a hummingbird. Maybe it’s a mosque. Or a mosaic. Or a tiny pterodactyl reading Le Monde. The definition of things requires a compelling narrative, a wonderful inscrutability and a good imagination. I agree that what a conceptual idea of religion may alter may not be the final float in the enigma parade. We make gasoline as well as suture veins. There’s nothing one can’t do with a roll of string and a bag of parables. The first thing I look for when I come to town is a good barbershop. That’s where people get their news. Or scroll their phones. Looking for news. Ancestry and beach resorts. Or just sit around bleeding quietly to themselves.

Was there ever a Twilight Zone episode in which the main character discovers that everything they say has the power to produce actual physical results? Let’s call our friend X. So if X says to Z “take a hike,” Z goes on a hike. Or if X says to Y, “go stick your head up your ass,” Y attempts to insert his/her head up their ass. X has issues, it would seem. But say X proclaims “I wish neoliberal capitalism would die and a social democracy would take its place.” The next morning all the podcasts are chattering about the White House frantically restoring all the government agencies recently eviscerated (thoroughly reformed, of course, and fully staffed with highly efficient, deeply empathetic, altruistic experts and happy, competent workers) and subtracted a considerable amount of money from the Pentagon budget to give back to the population to help with inflation and infrastructure. And yes – oh yes! – free healthcare and college education for everyone. And no more homelessness, or war, or genocide. And so, engorged with power, X goes on a wild drunken spree. And in abject drunkenness and an irrepressible appetite for self-sabotage X starts sermonizing about how totally absurd everything is and stupid and meaningless and that’s when Rod Serling appears and smokes this sentence until it’s completely gone. 

 

Saturday, February 22, 2025

Prelude And Fugue

More and more when I’m typing on a keyboard I feel like I’m playing a piano. The laptop has keys. A piano has keys. The parallel is compelling. I like to picture myself as a shy Victorian man hammering out whirlwinds of lush music on a baby grand. Concertos. Nocturnes. Arpeggios. Glissandos. Arpeggios. Adagios. Allegros. A salon full of people sporting ostrich feathers and top hats. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let your ego go wild. Even in a fascist dystopia. Though the proposition is somewhat ludicrous. And sad. I don’t want to get too carried away here. There was a time one could live somewhat askew to the reality of things, a little aslant and out of the picture. Now you’ve got to be alert. The old ways are gone. The new ways are just getting started. New ways to resist. And insist. Like the beginning of Monk’s Crepuscule with Nellie, tender and woozy, with its percussive ascension and off-balance shadows. Waitress with a tray of espresso. Sad candles in the dimness of a bistro. Sartre writing madly.

Outside is dimly heard the broken music of the street. Cars, trucks, people, pigeons, crows, jackhammers, industry, attitudes, attorneys, perturbations, accelerations, shops, molecules, abstractions, riddles, quarrels, accents, appointments, aspersions, asphalt, sirens, emergencies, currents, helicopters, jets.

The music of the spheres is the music of proportion, the movement of celestial bodies. It’s not an audible music, but a music of the soul. It pervades everything.

Pythagoras proposed that the Sun, Moon and planets all emit their own unique hum based on their orbital revolution, and that the quality of life on Earth reflects the tenor of celestial sounds which are physically imperceptible to the human ear.

“Thus, the thickness of things is opposed only by a demand of the mind, which every day makes words more costly and their need more urgent,” wrote Francis Ponge in 1933 in a proeme titled Témoignage, meaning testimony. 

“No matter. The resulting activity is the only one in which all the qualities of this prodigious construction, the person, from which everything has been called into question and which seems to have so much difficulty in frankly accepting its existence, are brought into play.”

Piano notes are so clean, so pure, that it would seem a travesty to compare them to words, which are inherently messy, and whose roots dangle like raw pink tentacles hoisted out of the dirt, their connections to the rhizomatic underworld temporarily severed. A cluster of notes in a melodic line are self-contained and unrestrained. The patterns are impromptu. Words require networks. Earth. Microbes. Fungi. They have histories. Resonances. Laminations. Stratum. And are forever jealous of music.

Music is supremely good at creating a sense of anticipation. There are many compositions in which the music seems to be building toward something, epiphany or high. There’s a delicious sensation in a heightened tension. Anticipation of an abstract reward can lead to dopamine release in the striatum. By avoiding the tonic, the listener subconsciously wants to hear it, and so it creates a very powerful sense of musical energy. The anticipation of something marvelous. Something mathematical and jeweled and metal and wood. Something maned and grammatical like 73 jumping horses and two chariots going round and round a center pole on a circular platform at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk.

Robin Guthrie, Carousel, released August 28, 2009.  “A sonic palette with a personality all its own,” quipped music critic Joshua Klein.

Certain questions are raised. How does one go from the inorganic to the organic? How does a brew of chemicals become a milieu of tubes and testicles? How does a fireball become an eyeball? How does a rosewood become an oboe? How does a word become a worm? How does a worm become a word? How does a gourd become a chord? How do atoms become spasms? How do feuds become fugues? How does pilin become Dylan? How does Bach become rock?

If you listen closely, the beauty of the joke is obvious. Turpentine had nothing to do with it. It all began with a contagion of laughter. A set of allegorical equations languishing in a pile of engine blocks and coefficient levers. The remarkable cathedrals and soap bubbles extending from Mr. Potato Head’s combustible locution. As if nothing mattered but ping-pong. Or the furniture of unmanageable outfields. Each pebble is a fascinating world. Especially the ones encrusted with adjectives. There’s no need for concern. All life is messy. Evolution cries out for underwear. Even the cheese has something to say. It's hard to disagree with a world this incoherent. You might try walking in the sand. Before the color orange became a muscle, the disorder was all about feathers. And now it’s all about trains. My railroad nerves and everything they unlock.

 

Monday, February 17, 2025

Have You Ever Stumbled Over A Hyperobject?

Have you ever stumbled over a hyperobject? A black hole? The colossal California drought? Capitalism? A tectonic plate? How about language? French, Spanish, Mandarin, Hungarian, Somali, Tahitian, Hawaiian, Hindi, Igbo? Did you stub your toe? Did you bring it home as a funky collector’s item? Put it in a glass case? Stuff it into a box? Find a place for it in the garage?

Language meets all the identifying features of a hyperobject. The hyperobject (a term coined by environmentalist Timothy Morton) is an object that is so massively distributed in time and space as to transcend spatiotemporal specificity. Examples of this are the internet, evolution, charismatic facts, eco-socialism, elite emissions, relativity, habitat nostalgia, sites of significance, the biosphere, all plastic ever manufactured, Styrofoam, and radioactive plutonium. Hyperobjects have temporal undulation. They ripple through time in ever widening circles, encompassing all within their circumference, combining and incorporating other phenomena.

Language does this. All languages do this. They invite immersion. They modulate moods. They ignite relations. I never feel outside language, I feel like I’m inside a language. In my case, English. I feel that I’m inside English. It’s so much a part of my being.

For example, that gut-wrenching scene in Hamlet, Act III, scene 4, after Hamlet has forced his mother rather violently to look inside herself and won her over to his argument, though not entirely, so that she feels divided, heavily conflicted, and assuages his demands with this painfully uttered parcel of speech: “Be thou assured, if words be made of breath / And breath of life, I have no life to breathe / What thou hast said to me.”

Our relationship with our mother tongue is as intimate as the blood circulating our veins.

I’ve been studying French for over two decades now but I still feel outside it. The day I feel inside French is the day it becomes so natural to speak it it will feel like an additional appendage, a new arm with a new hand, un nouveau bras avec une nouvelle main. My emotions will flow expressively form my mouth in new sounds, new phonemes, new hues and tumultuous outbursts.

There’s a strange volatility running through all languages, an irrepressible instability inherent in any vast, boundless, illimitable entity. Weather, for example, which is essentially the behavior of a gas, observable in terms of temperature, precipitation, clouds and wind and lightning and thunder. Air is a chief component of language, and there are storms in language, the thunder of great speeches, simooms of gripping narrative, chinooks of impassioned confabulation, flashes of lightning we call poetry.

“A certain degree of audiovisual hallucination happens when we read poetry,” writes Timothy Morton in Ecology Without Nature: Rethinking Environmental Aesthetics.

All potions, all drams and elixirs, all medicines, all tonics, all brews and libations have side effects. That’s what makes them so much fun. Side effects are usually thought of as adverse, but some side effects, such as intoxication – elation, euphoria, intemperance, giddiness – are often enlightening and inspirational. Sometimes the nearest one can get to the truth of any situation is by distorting one’s perception. A really good lie will often lead straight to the truth. Language can also have profound effects on neurology. Bilingualism can lead to increased gray matter density in areas of the brain involved in language processing, and increased white matter integrity, which connects different brain regions. Language learning boosts brain plasticity and the brain’s ability to code new information. It strengthens neural connections and the ability to profit from counterintuitive information. Particularly, that of poetry. Its fantastic irrationality. Its open abuse of logic. Its uncanny resemblance to fingernails. Its word-by-word assembly of neurons in an act of passionate ganglia.

Poetry is one of the more potent side effects of language, a phenomenon loved by many, a supercilious indulgence and effrontery to human dignity hated by most. Poetry is a potent distillation of all the inherent capacity language has for elevating one’s awareness, one’s diversions and playfulness. A lot of people are happy just to get through the day as quickly and profitably as possible, and to accomplish this via self-restraint and taciturnity and maintaining a tight focus on empirical and commercial concerns. But there’s also a substantial group enthralled with the grandeur of the spoken word, the free-form flow of rhapsodic enchantment, the manic impulses of incantation, the stunning blast of an inspired phrase, or the distillations of a haiku.

The haiku is to a hyperobject what a hyperobject is to a pond: a kerplunk valued in ripples. It brings everything full circle, out of the abstract and back into the real. Or the surreal. The wonderful feeling of a cold knob on a hot day. The breeze that preceded a sneeze. The electric smell of the air on the prairie prior to a storm. A wall of purple so deep and weird it bruises the eyes. The distant sound of a tractor. The hog in the pen. The cog in the wheel. The sting in the needle. The alloy in the steel. The persistent, exquisite pain of an existence baked into a book. The words we meant to say that came out different, that got to the point faster than we did, and left us with an infinite number of ways to figure out why, and what got us to this point, and the many detours along the way.

Friday, February 14, 2025

The Volatile Dispersion Of The Mind

Space is curved, which is a cause of motels. Not everybody gets a room at the Hotel Destiny. The one downtown, with the wonderful lobby and magnificent chandelier depicting 3,000 fluttering crystal butterflies. We’re not going somewhere special anyway. Not the Seychelles. Not this week. This is the big time. This is where the elasticity of time gets stretched into an afternoon at Giverny, France. The mouth is funny when it moves around the face making words come out. But pay attention. We’re facing a new bend in the river. Hang on tight. And paddle hard. People often ask where I got my accent. I got it from forging metaphors. Which is called forgery. And is punishable by French. This is why I wear so many hats. And have so many participles in my pants. I’ve got a cow on my buckle and a calamity in my swerve. Everyone endures their own evolution. We should jingle the unfolding of ourselves as we're taking in water and bailing like crazy as our friends surround us wondering what the hell this is all about. 

It's really funny when an empire collapses. And by funny I don’t mean ha ha ha I mean weird. It’s a weird feeling. There are no navigational devices for sailing this feeling anywhere where it might make better sense. When the usual signposts and markers come down and people walk into you as if you were a ghost the resulting dismay and confusion aren’t helpful. An artful nod to the biodiverse rainforests of Indonesia might be in order. Or a transition to bitcoin. There are no maps for this place. No exchange rates. Currencies become sensations, spheres of luminosity rising out of decay. Nothing is true, everything is permitted, said Nietzsche. Don’t let it defeat you. Walk speedily, and with deliberation. Volume wallows in volume because the universe is essentially a single living entity. A murmuration of starlings. A lump of dirt teeming with words.    

The volatile dispersion of the mind, which has nothing to do with anything other than the musicality of all things (Stéphane Mallarmé), incandesces under the charms of polysemy, attains the unattainable by semiotic horseplay and semantic legerdemain, squeezes the universe in and out like an accordion, hurls knives of conviction at carnival balloons, rings melodies out of empty whisky bottles, sings like an angel and plays the piano like a fiend. Our mission is clear. The paradox must achieve its theoretical destiny and flare into a full irresolution. There exists, below us, an orgasmic fairyland. Stands of heartwood. Garlicky Druids. Whirling dervishes. Pornographic priestess. Unimaginable pleasures. Hell and heaven depends on one's point of view. One person's heaven is another person's hell and one person's hell is another person's derailment. Control is illusion. Illusion is control. We're all churning inside with something. It's time to release the kraken. For the sounds of the kraken are stunningly and shockingly sweet. They give us chills, like a pantomine in leather. The melodies carry spoons and the tempo is a big bowl of caviar. I think if things continue much longer in this vein we might see something move. An eerie glow vanish into the night, accompanied by a sharp e minor on a lip of syntax. 


Monday, February 10, 2025

How Funny

How funny that Whitman's and Dickinson's approach to the poetic line are polar opposites. It’s a weird symmetry: at one end expansiveness and at the other end Emily Dickinson touching the universe. Whitman is large, monumentally large, he speaks with the authority of the cosmos, he sees vistas, he embraces the sky, he sees eternity in men and women, he does not see men and women as dreams or dots, his rhythms have the thunder of incantation, the electric clarity of lightning, the convergence of rivers, the taciturn sitting on barstools are obdurate kings of independence. Everything is food and air for the spirit of liberty, rejecting none, accepting all. His lines are long and sprawling and dispersive pageants of democratic ebullience. Emily’s lines are quick and elusive, ecstatic éclats of airy cargo, a slash of blue, a wave of gold. Silent dramas of midnight frost. Riddles. Little clocks. Balms and nectars. I love them both. They invigorate me in different ways. One expansive, one taut as the skin of a drum. Both engorged with lungs.

How funny to be alive and not know why. No manual. No instructions. No swag bag. But here you are inhabiting a sack of skin and bone. You learn a language. The language inseminates you with the values and ornaments of the people among whom you live. You assume the attitudes and locutions of the figures you admire and this becomes an identity which is essentially fiction but helpful in the long run should you decide to become a beachcomber or media pundit. You get so used to being you that being me is a laughable proposition. I’m already me so you don’t have to be me. You be you. We’ve all been given roles. There’s no script. You just make things up as you go along. Try not to bump into the furniture. If you find a rapport with someone you’re lucky. You’ve struck gold. When frequencies blend you get a clearer idea of what this is all about. Where the play is headed. What to emote. What to say. What to read. What to convey.

The whole theory of the universe is directed unerringly to one single individual – namely to You. Said Walt Whitman.

Make me a picture of the sun, so I can hang it in my room, and make believe I’m warm. Said Emily Dickinson.

How funny to grow up in a culture and think this is important, this is important, this is important and this is important and devote your life to something that to you on a deep personal level is important and then many years later as the culture disintegrates you painfully realize that what you thought was so important has no importance at all to what remains of the culture. It may well be still important to you but it’s not the same. Not the same at all. And what remains of the culture may be a stabilizing element like the availability of food or electricity or running water and a flushing toilet which lighten the burden of the body but don’t do a lot for the spirit.

It's funny how money assures one safe passage through life, particularly in a culture so fiercely devoted to it, to its management, its production, its intoxicating power. It doesn't matter how you got it, whether you embezzled it from a shady business or designed a vaccine, people admire you, envy you, cook you elegant meals, clean your toilets, make your bed, give you honors and awards. Whereas the poor are frowned upon, considered to be a nuisance, dumb and lazy and addled with drugs. What a scam! It’s what happens when the pious morph into criminals. Remember Tartuffe? Or W.C. Fields? “A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. I'd like to live as a poor man with lots of money. When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old I know that it is.” But here’s what happens: inflation. The money dilutes. It’s like pouring a glass of water into a glass of Rémy Martin Louis XIII Cognac. There’s more cognac, but significantly less value.

When I entered adulthood Henry David Thoreau was considered to be a great man. Today it’s Bill Gates. It’s hard to talk about money without getting preachy. Funny how that works. Funny how anything works. Because it’s all in flux. It’s all dark energy and dark matter. We’re all propelled by some force we don’t understand into doing things we don’t understand. It’s crazy. The dream of life deepens with every precipice and windshield wiper blade. Distance persuades us there is more ahead than we left behind. It’s what fuels the story. Nothing is ever over. It just keeps going. The road becomes a long unending destination. Infinity infringes on the margins, and smells of sage and lavender. Things fall into place. The novel gets larger as we read it. Pages get added to our biography. And so here we are, at the end of a sentence, dangling from a branch of prose, which is a form of entanglement, and worms and ideas. Asteroids. Hemorrhoids. Steroids. Words creating DNA. And mud and coffee and a mouth boiling with money.

  

Friday, February 7, 2025

You Can Never Step Into The Same Sentence Twice

Signal languor I'm braced for a cocktail. I want a long sophisticated paintable bronze in a tall glass of July. Let me lie here a while. Spring our communion against the mosquitoes. Put your eyes in a healing darkness. Use a big box.

There's an eyeball among my fingers. It needs a soft light.

I crawl along soaked in chopsticks. I correspond to the clouds above my literature.

Who uses that word anymore? People like to say literal. Literally a lot. When a perception strikes us, we complain about it. We give it time to evolve. We plant philodendrons. Some of which go public. Others languish in analogy. Some narrative possibilities follow us until our clothing turns so abstract nothing can interpret our intentions, least of all ourselves, and the narratives die alone, surrounded by Mauri warriors, and a chintz kilowatt.

Consciousness arrives gargling my tinsel. I’m hurrying as fast as I can to make sense of the treasure I see before me. You. Sitting in a chair. Reading Proust. 

Can you hear it? A granite stomach rises to the surface of an essay, digesting a moose.

The split between fantasy and reality is not entirely absolute. There have been some contradictions, notably that between wisdom and vertigo, and steam and stigmata.

Meanwhile, the sun’s magnetic fields twist and stretch as it rotates, creating plasma storms and scorched bananas, wide-eyed engorgement embellished with aerospace, atmospheric jungles and antique bravado, the spirit of poetry, which is studied in private with a bag of fries and a milkshake, and culminates in gulls.

The age of gravitation and how it behaves among these abstractions will make our ceremony argyle, if not hyacinth. Area is such a hungry significance. You have to fill it with something. It might as well be chili. The mind has its suppositions. If you hose them down, they’ll crumble right down to the waxy core, creating undulation, and is a form of undercurrent, a moist layer of category, which also applies to strawberries. Unofficially, it's the same with fire.

You can never step into the same sentence twice. It’s already journeying toward another adherence, another cohesion, another lost continent. It’s difficult to write things that make a detonation evolve the tea I’m pouring. I can’t get it out of my mind. A sticky sticker is a sticky idea. But a chattering weather is cheddar. Thus, as it snowed on our way home, we opened umbrellas and walked in silence, enjoying the crispness of the air, and the simplicity of its expression in dovetails, when even a painting can fail this reality, and scour it for your attention.

Tuesday, February 4, 2025

Mallarmé's Crisis Of Verse

You have to bend your brain a little to read Mallarmé. It isn’t just that his language is difficult, his language is perverse, deviant, anomalous, weird. Reading it is not unlike the abrupt angular shifts one must make while white water river rafting, the alert attention one must pay to the capricious currents and rocks and eddies and surges and swirls in a mountain river. And not just his poetry, but his prose. Mallarmé’s prose is a startling mix of insightful exposition and syntactical chaos in which slivers and crags of reality tumble into consciousness with a surprising degree of veracity, a luminous fullness, moments when the mind is open to the quantum vagaries of phenomena in a universe of flux and convulsion. A poesis of fragments, odd juxtapositions, vagueness punctured by astonishing details, ricochets of polyphonous meaning.

Mallarmé’s language refuses definition, the cement of language. The tone is expository, but the language is volatile, erratic, feverish. The language itself is indicative of a crisis, the radical changes occurring in the language of verse. It’s a language of implication, folds and insignia. Intentions. Evocations. Potentials of meaning. Because nothing truly exists. Everything is words, and words are nothing. Not things, but effects. Opalescence, not bricks. Consciousness, not bone. “To name an object is to suppress three-fourths of the enjoyment of the poem which is made up of gradual discovery: to suggest it, that is the dream,” said Mallarmé.

You don’t expect to see this in prose. The odd weight of a subject in a body of words with the dizzying velocity of quarks in a Hadron collider. Not only can you not step twice in the same river, you can’t read the same paragraph twice. The words will appear to have shifted, their function in the sentence more or less the same, but the scenery has oddly changed, the focus has diminished in one area and expanded in another. The theme remains, but the interactions have created a web no longer there, unless the dew brings it out, and the sun shines through it. It’s an unstable world, and Mallarmé knows what to do with it. Put it in your pipe and smoke it. It’s a hopeless case. The forms that result from light are comedians of mist. Mallarmé, wrote Mary Ann Caws, “is, above all, the advocate of (and in some strong sense, the hero of ) imagination.”

“Literature here,” writes Mallarmé, “is undergoing a fundamental, exquisite crisis.”

What is meant by ‘here’? ‘Here’ can mean France, Mallarmé’s study, or a point in time, the late 19th century. Industry has kicked in hard. Commerce is fierce. The world of poetry, whose sacred values are foreign to the goals of industry and commerce, has been severed from the mainstream public. Its concerns are of little interest to a society consumed with consumerism. It is now free to explore other possibilities, an otherness that feels exciting, a little daunting, a little subversive.

Mallarmé wrote “Crisis in Verse” between 1886 and 1895, during which time the Eiffel Tower was built, France had expanded its railroad and telegraph lines, electrical power and telephones had been introduced, and iron and steel production benefited from the Bessemer process - removal of impurities from the iron by oxidation with air being blown through the molten iron – although France lagged behind Britain and Belgium and experienced a sluggish economy due to a lack of resources and the residual effects of three major revolutions, the revolution of 1789 which brought down the monarchy, the July revolution of 1830, and the February revolution of 1848. French culture did not take readily to the industrialization burgeoning in Europe and the United States. Its literary culture had been dominated by Romanticism and authors such Victor Hugo, Alexandre Dumas, père, François-René de Chateaubriand, Alphonse de Lamartine, Gérard de Nerval, Charles Nodier, Alfred de Musset, Théophile Gautier and Alfred de Vigny.

On December 28th, 1895, the Lumière brothers, Auguste and Louis, launched the first commercial showing of a movie using a device called the Cinématographe, “Workers Leaving the Lumière Factory.” The movie is available on YouTube and runs for approximately 46 seconds. The workforce is almost entirely women, all of them dressed in full length skirts with high collars and leg of mutton sleeves. This, too, would have an enormous impact on the kineticism of poetry as it was further developed by poets like Guillaume Apollinaire and Blaise Cendrars at the beginning the 20th century, though Mallarmé’s nonlinear shifts and dissonances should be credited with its initial impetus.

In 1875, Mallarmé moved to 89 Rue de Rome in the 17th arrondissement. It’s one of Paris’s less expensive neighborhoods. The building is large and has the elegant charm of most of Paris’s apartment buildings. Today, at street level, is La Centrale du Casque, a motorcycle shop. 89 Rue de Rome is where – beginning in 1885 – Mallarmé hosted his Tuesday salons, a symposium of painters and poets including people like Oscar Wilde, Paul Valéry, André Gide, W.B. Yeats, Rainer Maria Rilke, Claude Monet and Édouard Manet. It was during this time that he became especially close to Manet and Monet, Manet doing an important portrait and Monet devoting a painting to “Gloire,” one of the prose poems included in Mallarmé’s Divagations, a collection of prose poems and bios of painters, musicians and writers he called “medallions.” As hermetic as Mallarmé’s poetry may be, he was extremely social, genial, witty, and welcoming.

Mallarmé retired from teaching in 1893 and went to live in his cottage at Valvins, a village on the Seine near Fontainebleau, accompanied by his wife Maria and daughter Geneviève.  This is where Mallarmé would complete Crise de vers, an essay he’d begun in 1886 encapsulating the changes that had diffused throughout poetry in latter decades of the 19th century.

“Just now, in abandonment of gesture, with the lassitude that bad weather brings about, despairing one afternoon after another,” begins the first paragraph of Crise de vers, “I made fall again, without any curiosity yet it seems to him to have read everything here twenty years ago, the elongation of multi-colored pearls that coruscates in the rain, again, to the shimmering of the brochures in the library. Many a work, under the glass of the curtain, will align its own scintillation: I love in the consummate sky, against the window, to follow the lights of the storm.”

“I love in the consummate sky, against the glass, to follow the lights of the storm.” There it is, an open window on Mallarmé’s poesis. Can you feel the breeze? Can you smell the electricity? Can you feel the charge of negative ions? The air is turbulent, there’s a hurly-burly of sensation, a suddenness of impressions so quick they can only be registered in a spontaneity of abrupt, fragmented phrasing, evocations of brilliance in a non-linear framework. The world flashes into uncanny detail during a lightning strike. The effect is fleeting. When it strikes elsewhere, in different conditions, the scene will be very different.

“Whoever grants this function a place,” he states a few paragraphs later, “or the first, recognizes, there, the current fact: we are witnessing, as the end of a century, not as it was in the last, to upheavals; but, outside the public square, to a disquiet of the veil in the temple with significant folds and a little its tearing.”

“Disquiet of the veil in the temple” refers to the sacred art of poetry, and its goal of remediating the disenchantment of the industrial age and its soot covered buildings and obsession with material goods and the extraction of resources, which would achieve maximal climax with WWI. Military exports skyrocketed from $40 million in 1914 to over $2 billion in the final years of the war. The steel industry alone experienced a massive boom. This would certainly count as one of the upheavals to which Mallarmé was referring, though he would not live to see WWI.

A language under the control of tyrants, governments, cults, religions, academies, institutions, or corporate power is undermined by all the mutinous and mutational instincts already inherent in language. Censorship is useless. You can’t control a gas as atmospheric as air.

“The pure work implies the elocutionary disappearance of the poet, who yields the initiative to the words, by the collision of their mobilized inequality; they light up with reciprocal reflections like a virtual torrent of fires on precious stones, replacing the perceptible breathing in the old lyrical breath or the enthusiastic personal direction of the sentence.”

“L’oeuvre pure.” Pure work. The work of the poet who dissolves into the language, surrenders to its spell. Invokes a divine energy more sacred and transcendent than the old rules of metric or the boundaries of taste fashioned by an elite close to the levers of power.

It’s what’s so wildly apparent in Mallarmé’s approach to language, his full immersion in it, and the electrifying consequences of this enthrallment. Getting these revelations into the hands of the reading public is another difficulty, particularly when one’s efforts result in an extremely difficult language, which will, no doubt, incur accusations of indulgence, of employing a hermetic style to disguise one’s failings as a poet or writer. I don’t have a solution for that. I do know that Frank James used to quote Shakespeare when he and his brother Jesse robbed trains. I believe the term for that is ‘captive audience.’ And probably a pissed off audience. So never mind. I don’t have a solution for getting people to toss their electronic garbage out and return to books. All I can do is point to the savage poets out on the savannah, and envy their freedom.

The academics have coaxed poetry back into the protection of the universities. This is where you will find awards and panels and erudite symposiums. It’s not a perfect solution, and it’s pricey, but there it is. Those of us outside collegiate walls pound away on our keyboards with the glee of quixotic myriapods, oblivious of the public, envious of musicians, and indulging freely in an orgasmic orphism of spectacular thermal winds. Columns of rising air, shared with eagles, circling over Idaho’s Craters of the Moon. Feeling pulse and radiate within the nerves of one’s spine a divine hand giving one the ultimate push, a kundalini awakening, the ravenous appetence to exist, and say things, and start things, and sing things into being. “The poet’s spell, if not to free, from a clenched fist of dust or reality without enclosing it, in the book, even as text, the volatile dispersion of the mind, which has nothing to do with anything beyond the musicality of everything.” “The volatile dispersion of the mind.” It’s all music. Rhythm and breath. 

Thank you for your patience. Here’s the money shot: “I say: a flower! and, out of the oblivion where my voice relegates no contour, as something other than the above chalices, musically rises, the very suave idea, the absent one of all bouquets.”

Maurice Blanchot provides a fascinating essay on this revelation, perhaps the most important one of Crise de vers, titled “The Myth of Mallarmé.” In it, he presents a theory of language: “In authentic language, the word has a function, not only representative, but destructive. It makes things disappear, it renders the object absent, it annihilates it.”

“I say: a flower,” Blanchot elaborates, “and I have before my eyes neither a flower, nor an image of a flower, nor a memory of a flower, but an absence of a flower. Is this absence, however, the sign of something else, of truth, for example, in the classical sense, having value for all and at all times? Let us not hasten to conclude this; despite the use of abstract words: "calices above, idea," it is to be sensed that the poet is in an order that asks nothing of knowledge. For the real absence of an object he does not substitute its ideal presence. "Suave" and "musically," it is certainly not an intellectual concept that is here again in contact with reality but a more evasive reality, which presents itself and evaporates, which is heard and vanishes, is abolished, on the other it reappears in its most sensitive form, like a series of fugitive and unstable nuances, in the very place of the abstract meaning whose void it claims to fill."

There are implications to this that do result in crisis: what is reality, what is the relationship between language and reality, can language create its own reality, à la Raymond Roussell’s Impressions of Africa, or almost anything by Kafka, or Stanislaw Lem, or Breton’s Soluble Fish, Joyce’s Finnegans Wake, or Philip K. Dick, or Ursula K. LeGuin, or Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, or the Modern Prometheus. The most dramatic treatment of this in my view is Shakespeare’s The Tempest, in which Prospero, the exiled scholar and Duke of Milan maneuvers reality like chess pieces to achieve revenge on a treacherous brother and has supernatural beings under his control, Ariel and Caliban. Though in Caliban’s case, the control is somewhat imperfect. "You taught me language, and my profit on't is I know how to curse.” 

Monday, February 3, 2025

The Sweat Of The Throat Is Moral

The sweat of the throat is moral. I can imitate it. All it takes is a little lubricant. It’s how the Rue d'Orsel pushes its hands among my gardenias and comes up with sorghum. I’m not going to sit here and pretend to be ominous. I wasn’t built that way. My wisdom touches the concept and a jaunty seaman signals the big pop. It’s what goes on around here. Olives, mostly, and spars. I smell stealth. But there is none. Not at the moment. The air is a membrane. Honesty occupies it like eyebrows on a worm. Try my provender. Please. It would mean the world to me. The smell of molasses proves that the shadow of this sentence is a pale henna, and wants very much to believe in your ability to fill it with greenery. There is a resource that occurs on a cocoon now and then, and by that I mean the knife we ​​brandish with fear is a fundamental percept. Good things sometimes happen in the darkness. Legs inflate the exultation during cartilage. I whisper this worry as I would a glossy blubber. The eggnog I made extends the algebra of your smile. It’s what I wanted all along. A sphere with a twig on it, and an argument that jingles with bombast.

This is the push about research. The one I was leading up to. That I suggested. That I tailored beneath my antique bones. With reflection. With fallacy. With circles. And a hole we crushed on the cement.

I’m inviting you to do something. Something you may regret. Something that may alter your life forever. Something touristy. Something smacking of the paradox of pleasure. And twice as endearing. By God I mean it. The ache clapping in your impediment is really just a suspension. It can be ignored. Go home. Bake some snickerdoodles. We can talk about all this tomorrow morning over breakfast. Reticence with a little chiffon can be so enticing. But it’s how we communicate that matters. I use a toaster. A little reality. And a willowy sway in my nether parts.

Is it ok if take a little walk around in your head? That’s what all these words are for. They’re here to help me. Help me find some wicker and some dots to make a clean break from gravity. The world is too much with us. Every night I lie in bed gnawing on the past. It tastes like armadillo. Plug the aurora I entertain into this theology. Watch it foam into thought. There goes our pain propelled through a hose. I’m going to paint it with a bucket of words and call it prose. Thank you for joining me in this little expedition. I’ve never felt so naked, nor so indispensable.

Why so much Bob Dylan? He seems to be everywhere these days. I think it’s the algorithms. I know it’s the algorithms. The sticky goo of algorithms. So this 83 year old guy keeps showing up in fancy clothes and a shiny grand piano. His voice sounds raw, like a rusty old blade. Earlier today, when I began looking into life, and feeling its possibilities, I heard this man sing something really rhizomatic, and it made me feel fecund, things trapped inside come alive in me and echo their necessities, which caused me some effort to appease. What they say in Unstable is true: if you’re going to make some pom-pom dribble cake you’re going to make a little noise. In addition to entertainment, the splendor of our miscellany plummets until the dirt makes it busy. The paint sinks into deformation. The lumber reclines. My excuses for everything are so insoluble they’re pretty. I brush the putty until the effulgent flaps. And lift myself into paradise.

Saturday, February 1, 2025

The Faroe Islands Of Denmark

They say that embracing your emotions will elevate your craft. I would if I could. But how does one embrace a thing with no anatomy? The instructions weren’t clear. What was it we were supposed to be doing here? Was there ever a goal? It always feels like there’s some kind of goal, but I see nothing but sage and complacency. A stupefying weariness sometimes discovers us under the influence of Venus fondling various body parts and chasing away axioms of doom. I keep trying, keep failing. I can't get enough syntax to create a rhinoceros out of rice. I’ve tried boiling it, stirring it, squirting it, squatting on it, combing it, writing it that way, writing it this way, and I keep getting the Faroe Islands of Denmark. I’ve tried other islands, other nations, other tribes, other geographies, other cultures, other tongues, and everything results in the counterfeit foliage of a mad sorcery called language. Which is ubiquitous, like crickets. The implications reinforce it. It connects things. Assemble, squat in a sprawl of sunlight, you’ll see what I mean. And if you don’t, you don’t. There was no meaning. There was just the Faroe Islands of Denmark. And grebes and pipits and a large Viking sow sucking a litter of piglets.

Saturday, January 25, 2025

Living In A Novel

I walked into a novel and sat down on a rock. The language was distressed and full of cyclones and swells. I could smell embalming fluid and folklore. Everywhere I went there were doorknobs, escalators, and clocks. Objects of all genre overflowing with prose. I stood at the end of a diving board and looked down. The water looked back at me with indifference. Was this a story by Albert Camus or Harpo Marx? Is it possible that I was the author and that what I perceived as clay was actually gas? What belongs to us to write? Everything happening in words is mostly bracelets, rattlesnakes and landscapes. Indifference is no longer an option. There are decisions to be made, infatuations to pursue, joyrides and appetites and regrets. Apathy has no place here. Only passion and its one central equation, which has to do with galvanization. It opens me up like a tunnel, a conduit to the other side of myself. I must go now. It’s time to feed the camels. I can rarely, if ever, tell where a story is going. Writing doesn’t give me a sense of control it gives me a sense of navigating chaos. Words engorge the mind with the puffery of waffles. The trick is to give them meaning. Or subtract meaning and festoon them with tinsel. This is how I discovered Christmas. I hid behind a couch wrapping morsels of affection with my sparkly hullabaloo. Chapter II begins with an erection and a tugboat. The sound of a foghorn. Hedonism is essential. I am my process. Even if it means living in a novel, turning pages.

Tuesday, January 21, 2025

I Feel So Ray Bradbury

I feel so Ray Bradbury. I’m 44 years in the future from when I last felt normal, when I could go to bed without feeling precarious and vulnerable and threatened and strange. The changes were incremental, until 1989, when I moved into an apartment on Belmont on Capitol Hill, Seattle’s most libertine neighborhood, and rents began going up almost every month, because of the meteoric rise of Microsoft, the burgeoning growth of Apple in Silicon Valley, and the opening bell of the New York Stock Exchange with its ensuing frenzy. So here I am. Here we are. Smack dab in the belly of a dystopian behemoth fattening itself on extortionate medical bills, constant surveillance, treacherous technofeudalist jobs, undependable healthcare insurance and unfinished high-rise buildings infested with black mold. Houses too expensive to buy and raise a family. A population of zombie consumers hunched over devices as they trudge or scooter down sidewalks at 20 mph scrolling clickbait videos with the attention span of toddlers in a candy store.

Grunge cushioned the blow. Groups like Nirvana, Soundgarden, Earth. Screaming Trees. Alice in Chains. Malfunkshun. Gruntruck. Love Battery. It celebrated chaos. It reinvented rock. It spit on consumerism. Broke guitar strings with complicated chords and screams of primal being. But grunge didn’t last very long. It lasted longer than the whole hippy thing in the Bay Area, which lasted about a year. 1966 and the first half of 1967, to quote Peter Fonda in The Limey. The whole ‘live for today,’ ‘seize the day,’ ‘go where you want to go do what you want do,’ like handsome Jack Kerouac challenging capitalist rigor with bop spontaneity, his mind slung open to Buddhism and his spirit supple and bright with Benzedrine and alcohol, went down easy with a lot of us but after a while poverty proves less and less La Boheme and more and more Les Misérables with unpaid bills and partners walking out on you and friends distancing themselves and getting jobs with big corporate salaries with the ostensible goal of changing things from the inside, which was bullshit. The system changed them. They became insufferably smug golfers with Ralph Lauren sweaters Bahama tans and 401Ks engorged with the honey of dissimulation. 

I had faith in art. Art has natural appeal. It stimulates the senses and rocks the mind with eccentric ideas. It gives people a sense of urgency. A real sense of excitement. But the technofascists don't like art. And for good reason. All those paintings of food, oysters and apples and peaches and fish, make us hunger for experiences outside tame convention. Any appeal to sensuality unfastens the mind from the digital and sublimates it into the ethereal. Art is quirky. It resists control. It’s full of detours, oddities, fevers, a lust for the ineffable. The smell of patchouli on a hot day. Sweat rolling down the back. That feeling some people get when their fingers wrap around a pork rib rubbed with brown sugar and paprika. Subtle threats of instability. That knife, for example, in Chardin’s Le Buffet under the tureen of oysters, its handle sticking out while a dog looks upward at the feast. Or language when it gets slippery and gives birth to shameless introspection. Thoughts perplexing to logic. The flaming clay of a methane swamp. The backbone of resistance. Charles Laughton swinging on a four-ton bell. Named Gabriel.

But art failed. Books failed. Conversation failed. Community failed. Everything failed.

They’re very sly, these venture capitalists, these vampiric elites, these propagandists and neocons. Here’s what they do: they turn art into politics. Writing into content. Drama into CGI. Healthcare into extortion. Actors into celebrities. Erotica into dick pics. Memes into psyops.

Oligarchs. Monarchs. Trademarks. Pockmarks. Tigersharks. Hierarchs. Patriarchs. Billionaires. Warfare. Malware. Spyware. Surveillance. Univalence. Interrogation. Castration. Privatization. Censorship. Pink slips. Internships. Container ships. Silicon chips. Proprietorship.

Illiteracy. Willful ignorance. Dumbing down. An infantilized public spoon-fed media pablum. People aren’t tricked by propaganda. They know the truth. It simmers below, in the unconscious, where it’s been shoved into darkness. Propaganda is there to muffle and soothe the naggings of the conscious mind, pull a blanket over the corpse of their critical faculty.

“Propaganda and torture are the direct means of bringing about disintegration; more destructive still are systematic degradation, identification with the cynical criminal, and forced complicity. The triumph of the man who kills or tortures is marred by only one shadow: he is unable to feel that he is innocent. Thus, he must create guilt in his victim so that, in a world that has no direction, universal guilt will authorize no other course of action than the use of force and give its blessing to nothing but success.” - The Rebel, by Albert Camus  

This is where Ray Bradbury comes in. Many of his stories and novels such as Fahrenheit 451 predicted with uncanny premonition what we have now. When I see homeless encampments, I’m reminded of the encampment in François Truffaut’s cinematic treatment of Fahrenheit 451 for the lovers of books who’d memorized treasured works of literature. There are differences: there is far more despair and trauma and Fentanyl addiction among the homeless than enlightened reverence for the works of Virginia Woolf or James Joyce or James Baldwin or Shakespeare. But the extreme marginalization of these people is similar to the marginalized people in Bradbury’s story. It’s also important to point out that the book burning in Fahrenheit 451 was redundant: people had lost all interest in reading or enriching the mind; they’d been completely captured by the vapid distractions of television, illustrated by the scene in which a group of people are entranced in stupefied enthrallment to a flat screen TV on the wall. 

I fantasize about having a time machine coupled with the supreme advantage of living in an actual dystopia, writing down all that I see and experience in the 21st century and returning to the 1950s to submit it to publishers. Noting down the daily horrors, the genocide in Gaza sponsored by a president barely cognizant of who or where he is and incapable of constructing a coherent sentence. The inauguration of a president circled by grinning billionaires. Surveillance in the U.S. and Europe so omnivorous that devices pick up conversations held in the privacy of one’s home, and if one posts a perspective on social media that runs contrary to the narratives espoused by the state you can be arrested or have your home invaded by a squad of police in the middle of the night. Acute loneliness caused by an atomization of the community that extends as far as the grocery stores where people check their own groceries at computerized self-serve stations and are denied even a short exchange with a fellow human being. A health-care industry so rapacious, so merciless in their denials of insurance for critical, life-saving treatments and surgeries that people are often bankrupted and end up homeless. A public so infantilized that they themselves insist on censorship and demand a controlled, carefully monitored public speech so asphyxiating that media intellects atrophy into leprous, shopworn clichés and stale memes. Articles written by PhDs that read more like high school essays than maturely crafted expositions that have been properly researched and fully articulated. Stores forced to close due to chronic shoplifting. Stores robbed by flash mobs. Street takeovers that resemble something in a Mad Max movie in which the police sit idly by while hooligans do donuts around the police cars in mocking arrogance. Exchanges of gunfire between rivaling pimps near suburban neighborhoods where prostitution is conducted in broad daylight on Highway 99, a long arterial of used car lots, derelict motels, box stores, massage parlors, and boarded up restaurants. A store manager on social media complains that he’s had to dial 911 with increasing frequency following a freakout or robbery and the police never show up. Not once. While, on the other hand, a small man ostensibly writing graffiti on the walls of the Gates foundation is summarily thrust to the ground and handcuffed by cops arriving in eight or nine vehicles within minutes of the perp’s detection.   

And then there was the time I passed a kidney stone and writhed on the backseat of our car in intense, excruciating pain while my wife drove 15 miles to an urgent care facility which closed at 4:00 p.m. We arrived at 3:50 p.m. and they refused to let us in: too close to closing time. 

Or the seven hours we spent in an emergency room and left without a diagnosis or pain medication. The kidney stones were discovered, at last, by an MRI some days later. I was told to drink lots of water to get rid of the stones. It worked. I could’ve saved myself several weeks of unrelenting pain in my groin just by drinking water fortified with a concentrate of lemon juice. 

So yeah. I don’t feel so much like Joyce or Hemmingway or Kerouac these days. Or Virginia Woolf or Gertrude Stein. More like Ray Bradbury writing Something Wicked This Way Comes. Or Albert Camus writing The Myth of Sisyphus. Or Franz Kafka writing The Hunger Artist: 

“During these last decades the interest in professional fasting has markedly diminished. It used to pay very well to stage such great performances under one's own management, but today that is quite impossible. We live in a different world now. At one time the whole town took a lively interest in the hunger artist; from day to day of his fast the excitement mounted; everybody wanted to see him at least once a day; there were people who bought season tickets for the last few days and sat from morning till night in front of his small barred cage; even in the nighttime there were visiting hours, when the whole effect was heightened by torch flares; on fine days the cage was set out in the open air, and then it was the children's special treat to see the hunger artist; for their elders he was often just a joke that happened to be in fashion, but the children stood openmouthed, holding each other's hands for greater security, marveling at him as he sat there pallid in black tights, with his ribs sticking out so prominently, not even on a seat but down among straw on the ground, sometimes giving a courteous nod, answering questions with a constrained smile, or perhaps stretching an arm through the bars so that one might feel how thin it was, and then again withdrawing deep into himself, paying no attention to anyone or anything, not even to the all-important striking of the clock that was the only piece of furniture in his cage, but merely staring into vacancy with half-shut eyes, now and then taking a sip from a tiny glass of water to moisten his lips.”  

Wednesday, January 15, 2025

My Amphibious Life

At this distance, one had the impression of a work of art rather than the sensation of water. What was missing was something wildly alive and indefinable, a root or a shoe. A gnarly, twisted root. A worn-out, whimsical, wildcat shoe. An ambience of bullfrogs. A climate of hammers and ice. Midnight trysts and flippant flautists. Something to set the water on fire and make it shoot up in force and elan and fall back down in a shivaree of misty splatter. This is hard to do in oil. It must be rendered quickly, but slowly, subtly, but fiercely, gingerly, but savagely. It must hold contradictions. It must impel metaphors. Bounce on bedsprings. Certain perceptual amenities subtly embedded in the paint can help the eyes find some perspective among the amorphous hues of a tentative but humid fulfillment, like the spray of a fountain getting your sleeves wet, or an argument in the hallway between a man and a gargoyle disputing the Heideggerian notion of Geworfenheit, and what it means to be thrown into this world, to abruptly find oneself alive to an existence whose meaning may be arbitrary, or imaginary, and the gargoyle seems to be winning.

What is wet? What is that feeling? I like it. I like being wet. In most instances. I don’t much like being wet when I’ve been running a long distance on a cold January day and my sweat gets my clothes wet from underneath, next to my skin, so that if I pause for a minute to wait for a traffic light to change or gaze across the water of Lake Union in the direction of Wallingford where there appears to be a kite wiggling around at Gasworks Park, and the awareness of the wet increases until it feels unmercifully cold and uncomfortable. My favorite wet is the wet of a hot shower, my cold skin getting pelted by drops streaming from a showerhead in a pleasing hiss. And that weird moment at 7:00 a.m. on a November morning in Kauai I got immersed in the Pacific Ocean and it was warm as bathwater. I wanted to stay there. Maybe swim some laps. But I felt a current pulling me under so I scampered out. It’s been a while since I put any trust in the ocean. I worry about sharks. Climate change is making it harder for sharks to find food. I don’t know how they do it, those surfers sitting out on the waves, calm and unbothered, legs dangling.

Or the Vikings. Riding for hours, days, weeks even in a longship, blisters on your hands from all the rowing, the wool and linen and reindeer hide wet from the slop of North Pacific waves, the sound of farts, hairy brutes hanging their butts over the side to take a dump, the stupid jokes, the monotony, the combined smell of brine and fish and sour milk. How is one to be expected to swing an ax at somebody and get splattered with all that blood? The life of a Viking is far less glamorous than it seemed in the beginning. Better to be a trader in spices and silks in Reykjavik. Chopping people up isn’t what it used to be. The thrill is gone. So much nicer to squeeze someone in affection. Not everyone. I don’t want to squeeze Gorm. I want to squeeze Yrsa. The board I’m sitting on is hard. I feel it tugging the oar. My back hurts. And my feet are cold.

I love swimming pools. Though it’s surprisingly easy to get bored in them, once you realize there’s little else to do but swim back and forth, or do a few dives, cannonballs, be a jerk and get everyone wet. I never did that. I was always well-behaved in pools. The most foolish thing I did happened one morning in August, 1965, age 18. I enjoyed diving to the bottom of the pool of my mother’s apartment complex and floating there, hung in suspension, just looking at my shadow on the blue concrete, arms undulating. I could hold my breath for an amazingly long time. It was a weekday, so nobody else around, everyone going to work. When I got out a man in a business suit looked at me, horrified. He was about to jump in after me. He thought I was drowning. I felt embarrassed. How weird that would’ve been had he jumped in & grabbed me. I probably would’ve freaked out. I didn’t know what to say. He was really upset. I thanked him for his concern. There’s no protocol for such things. I can still see him. Dripping. Uncertain how to feel. 

Tuesday, January 7, 2025

Delirium

Recently, reading an early essay by Virginia Woolf about street musicians, I gained some insight into a matter that has obsessed me for 58 years: why did Arthur Rimbaud stop writing poetry? Woolf's essay - entitled "Street Music" - extends far beyond the purviews of busking. It telescopes into a discussion of art in general. How powerful it is. How mysterious. How baffling. How audacious. “Street musicians are counted a nuisance,” she begins, “by the candid dwellers in most London squares.” Interesting, that she would begin by drawing attention to the tension that has always existed between artists and the society in which they abide. Why is this, and what has it to do with Arthur Rimbaud quitting poetry?

“Artists of all kinds,” says Woolf, “have invariably been looked on with disfavor, especially by English people, not solely because of the eccentricities of the artistic temperament, but because we have trained ourselves to such perfection of civilization that expression of any kind has something indecent – certainly irreticent – about it. Few parents, we observe, are willing that their sons should become painters or poets or musicians, not only for worldly reasons, but because in their own hearts they consider that it is unmanly to give expression to the thoughts and emotions which the arts express and which it should be the endeavour of the good citizen to repress. Art in this way is certainly not encouraged; and it is probably easier for an artist than for a member of any other profession to descend to the pavement.”

Hence, the danger of such a choice. But also its allure. Art is a powerful drug. It plays on our perversities, and stokes our instincts. It goads relentlessly to go against the grain, particularly if that grain is oppressive and boring. Just as certain people have a greater craving for risky adventures and cheap thrills than others, certain people are more susceptible to the filigrees of risk. If the appetite for the extraordinary, for the anomalous and weird is powerful enough, it will seduce the most serious-minded. They’ll surrender financial security - or having a family - or just enjoying a serene and decent existence - to the captivating indecencies of art. There’s no rationale for it, and certainly no confetti. It’s an allure without a lure, a goal without a score. The excitement creating creates often leads to exaltations, the kind of inner richness that deludes us into thinking the squalor surrounding our worldly existence is a scintillating lobby in paradise.

There is, of course, much more to it than just that: art is a power. It has the ability to conjure the sublime and ornament our anguish with exquisite subtleties. It has the capacity to destroy oppressive narratives. It stirs the nerves. It beats the heart. “The artist,” says Woolf, “is not only looked upon with contempt but with a suspicion that has not a little fear in it. He is possessed by a spirit which the ordinary person cannot understand, but which is clearly very potent, and exercises so great a sway over him that when he hears its voice he must always rise and follow.”

Woolf was twenty-three when she wrote those words. I’m 77. I have nothing to add to what she said, or qualifiers or manifestos. It’s all true. I’ve been treated like a weirdo by most people. The normies. The stable. The well-adjusted. The financially comfortable. But this still doesn’t get to the heart of what made Rimbaud quit poetry.

Woolf raises music to the highest level of phenomena that is valued – often with reverence - despite being void of any pragmatic worth. Aesthetic phenomena whose contributions to brute survival are null, but whose qualities are essential to the health of the soul. “Certainly I should be inclined to ascribe some such divine origin to musicians at any rate,” Woolf further elaborates, “and it is probably some suspicion of this kind that drives us to persecute them as we do. For if the stringing together of words which nevertheless may convey some useful information to the mind, or the laying on of colours which may represent some tangible object, are employments which can be tolerated at best, how are we to regard the man who spends his time in making tunes? Is not his occupation the least respectable – the least useful and necessary – of the three? It is certain that you can carry away nothing that can be of service to you in your day’s work from listening to music; but a musician is not merely a useful creature, to many, I believe he is the most dangerous of the whole tribe of artists. He is the minister of the wildest of all the gods, who has not yet learnt to speak with human voice, or to convey to the mind the likeness of human things. It is because music incites within us something that is wild and inhuman like itself – a spirit that we would willingly stamp out and forget – that we are distrustful of musicians and loath to put ourselves under their power.”

And there it is: the genie out of the bottle that terrified Rimbaud into quitting poetry for good, “because music incites within us something that is wild and inhuman like itself.”

Rimbaud wasn’t a musician, but the essence of what Woolf is elaborating here is a spirit, not a career choice. It’s no wonder that Rimbaud held such a fascination for the musicians of the 1960s; their spirits were remarkably similar. Take that photo of Bob Dylan, Michael McClure, Robbie Robertson and Allen Ginsberg taken by Dave Smith in the alleyway of City Lights Bookstore in December, 1965, at Allen Ginsberg's behest, and which was intended for the cover of Dylan's Blonde on Blonde album. The photograph, although not used for the Blonde on Blonde cover, testifies to the blending of the two cultures, literary and musical. Music and poetry had fused, and these guys were the epitome of that.

Mallarmé encountered Rimbaud once, at a literary banquet in 1872 – “The Dinner of Naughty Goodfellows” - which was rendered in oil by French artist Henri Fantin-Latour and titled Coin de table (“Corner of the Table”) - and today is part of the collection of the Musée d’Orsay. It’s a scene of serenity and decorum – strangely out of character for Rimbaud, who sits gazing at his intimate friend, Paul Verlaine – and consists of five men seated at the table – Paul Verlaine, Arthur Rimbaud, Léon Valade, Ernest d’Hervilly, Camille Pelletan – and three men standing, Pierre Elzéar, Émile Blémont, and Jean Aicard. In the foreground, a vase of camelias just off to the right balances Verlaine’s solemn gaze off to the far left. The camelias were put there to honor the absence of poet Albert Mérat, who refused to attend the banquet because Rimbaud had heckled him while reading his poetry. There’s no conversation going on at the table; none of the men are talking. Camile Pelletan, a politician, historian and journalist, looks questioningly at the painter, possibly out of intrigue, possibly out of affection. It’s an intriguing expression, and the only one who is looking out of the canvas. The others appear fully immersed in the sanctity of the occasion. I wonder how long they had to pose like this. Rimbaud looks almost angelic, and lost in a dream.

Mallarmé doesn’t mention why, in such close proximity, he didn’t bother to introduce himself to Rimbaud. He doesn’t describe the dinner at all. He quotes Verlaine’s description of Rimbaud, in Les Poètes Maudits: “He was tall, well built, almost athletic, with the perfectly oval face of an exiled angel, with disorderly brown hair and pale blue eyes that were disturbing.” The one thing he was struck by was Rimbaud’s hands. He thought they were enormous, and noticed they were “reddened with chilblains resulting from rapid changes of temperature, which might have indicated even more terrible jobs, since they belonged to a boy.” I suspect the chilblains were from sleeping in the cold. Mallarmé was struck by the contrast between the extremity of Rimbaud’s wildness and sleeping in the open and the uncanny innovations of his work, and remarks: “I later learned that they had signed some beautiful poems, unpublished; in any case his sardonic mouth, with its pouting and mocking expression, had never recited one.” Actually, though, he had: it’s said that he gave his first public reading of Le Bateau ivre at a bistro on Rue Férou, where today a giant mural of the poem has been inscribed on a high masonry wall. I’ve seen it. I passed it every morning I went running in Le Jardin du Luxembourg.

Mallarmé quotes five stanzas from Le Bateau ivre. Clearly, he was quite impressed with Rimbaud’s poetry. The impression he gives is how electrifying Rimbaud’s poetry was at the time. He dismissed the rumors, such as they existed at the time, concerning Rimbaud’s flippancies and ramblings and substance abuse, and remarks: “These are small, miscellaneous details, quite suited, in fact, to one who was violently ravaged by literature; the worst of all perturbations after his having spent many long, slow, studious hours on benches or in libraries, now master of a style that was perhaps premature but sure of itself, intense and exciting, spurring him to tackle unprecedented subjects – in search of ‘new sensations,’ he insisted, ‘not known,’ and he flattered himself that they could be found in the bazaar of illusions vulgarly known as big cities; in which the demon adolescent did discover, one evening, a grandiose vision, prolonged by drunkenness alone.”

Already, there is a sense of doom in these words. Something ominous, something uncanny, something demonic and cataclysmic. Rimbaud, this kid from a farm in the Ardennes who’d just participated in the Paris Commune - the revolutionary government that seized power in Paris, March 18th, 1871, and controlled certain sectors of the city until May, 1871 - mesmerized the literary community in Paris and sent tremors of excitement through its corridors. This youth with chilblained hands possessed shamanic powers. I can easily imagine the exaltations he must’ve experienced when he composed his poetry, poetry that would shake the literary scene like a 9.1 quake on the Richter scale. The effect his poetry would have on his private life would be equally catastrophic. This is where, I believe, something went very, very wrong in Rimbaud’s psyche. The turbulent affair he would have with Verlaine, which led them to share a flat in London for a period of some months before exploding into what he termed “A Season in Hell,” and devoted a book to it. A Season in Hell begins: “Once, if I remember well, my life was a feast where all hearts opened and all wines flowed.” That sounds so sweet. And totally belies the nightmarish scenes that ensue: “I am slave to the infernal Bridegroom, the one who was the undoing of the foolish virgins. His really that very demon. He is not a ghost, he is not a phantom. But I who have lost all reason, who am damned and dead to the world…”

The turbulence of Rimbaud’s relationship with Verlaine – an excellent poet in his own right, and revered for the refinements of his musical qualities – was, no doubt, fused in Rimbaud’s mind with the demonic force of poetry. Demonic in the original Greek sense, a supernatural being or spirit. “His mysterious delicacies had seduced me. I forgot all my duty to society, to follow him. What a life! Real life is absent. We are not in the world. I go where he goes, I have to. And often he flies into a rage at me, me, the poor soul. The Demon! His is a demon, you know, he is not a man.” Is Rimbaud talking about Verlaine here, or the genie that led him to write such extraordinary poetry? A poetry of extremes whose alchemical energy would uncage the genius in anyone who became enamored of its powers, and assume a mystical presence in their world. And in some instances, penetrate even further into the moral fiber of someone’s being, percolate like an elixir through layers of western society’s Calvinistic principles and persistent inculcations and alienate them to the fruits of an industrialized society. “Life is the farce we all have to lead.”

Mallarmé makes a strong suggestion, which many others have corroborated, that Rimbaud’s dromomania and hikes over Europe and his voyage to Java with the Dutch navy and jumping ship and returning to the farm in the Ardennes long enough to say hello to his mother and get back on the road, to Germany, to Norway, to Cyprus, and eventually to Aden and the Hotel Universe, served as a substitute for the intellectual excitements of poetry. By December, 1880, Rimbaud would make his way to Harar, Ethiopia, as an employee of the export company Viannay, Bardey et Cie. He would organize caravans across the Danakil Desert, a highly risky and dangerous enterprise. One imagines the sounds of these operations, the muffled grown of camels snuffing and huffing as they lifted themselves into walkability for caravaning during the night to avoid the scathing rays of the sun. The crackle of a fire and the chatter of Somali, or Afar, or Amharic, or Tigrinya, or a blend of all of these, which prick Rimbaud’s ears, and which arouse old instincts, which he nervously contemplates, then pushes back down into the crevices of his soul. He has a load of 2,000 antique percussion rifles to get to King Menelik. He has no time for nonsense. And his leg hurts. And his soul hurts. And there’s a small stone pressing into his back.

 

Sunday, January 5, 2025

Evocation Of Butterflies

One must learn to hem a streetcar with the lace of desire, treat diving in the Arctic with the deference of snow, fill your pockets with England and burst into song. Do these things with agility and the language will deliver a child. Let us hope it will be a kind and gentle child. Medicine is not an exact science. Nor is poetry. I love the shrimp jambalaya at the 5 Spot. But how do express this rapture with the grace it deserves? My giant organ generates imagery. It’s a Wurlitzer. I feel a rhythm within I can only describe as panoramic, especially when I’m surrounded by Renaissance oils. I love those occasions when it’s stimulating to say things for the enjoyment of saying things. It’s like when an explanation of pine resin summons ideas you never knew you had. The resulting purple dye will answer the give and take between words. I like to touch the rivets when erections happen, and scrape whatever wisdom I can from the clouds.

I’m not normally this thirsty. But tonight I’m nervous. I’m also shy around reality. It’s always so revelatory, so completely transformational. I feel like I’m in a movie. The surrounding greenery expands in the occurrence of fireworks, which is an effect of drama. Why does frustration always result in a slammed door? Drama, of course. We all need a winch of force so heavy that we steam when we lift our aspirations to the open invitation of the sky and challenge fortune with our chutzpah. Spring is here to pull the dimness out of our clumsy moisture. Fat glow I ponder to insist it get behind me. Murmur it before a jury of your own emissions. Pollinate a goldenrod, and flicker vivid hues. That’s me in the future, fastening my belt and getting a hammer from my toolbox to hang a picture on the wall: Evocation of Butterflies, by Odilon Redon.

Bruise yourself among the experiments that life presents us and do it for the sake of sublimation. For the confusion of a contusion. For the pleasures of ooze and purviews. For the crackle of wisdom. The sound of cattle feeding on hay. Bone black artful bulwarks. Wildcat revelations. Flexed muscles. Searchlights steeped in ambiguity. Displays against delays beyond the apparitions of justice. The sound of moonlight dropping on a cemetery. Rock and roll angels sputtering ganglia in a suitcase. Personification of the impersonal with a can of paint and a glowworm jar equipped with bugs. Hive balls shiny with gloss varnish. Tangential and friendly kinetic energy driving a poignant locomotive toward a mournful spectacle of stationary birthday cards on a rickety rotating greeting card display stand, which is virtue itself in a gown of chatter.