The Social Life

I don't like disliking anyone. My first instinct upon meeting anyone is to find common ground. It's just an instinct. It’s not a realistic plan. Common ground is boring. So I lean in close and tell the person that they have lit a fire in my soul. This doesn’t always produce happy results. The person looks stunned and doesn’t know how to respond. But it’s a start. And neither of us have made mention of the weather. Conversation is important. It’s how the language revives itself. It’s an art requiring a minimum of two people. Conversations with myself go in circles. And I always know what I’m going to say in advance. Most people are shy and averse to conversation. Starting a conversation is like cracking a safe. Once you find the right combination the door opens. Sometimes the safe is empty. But sometimes you find rapport. Things flow. Words fly. Points are made. Ideas are floated. Delicacies disentangled. Opinions weighed. Insights expanded.

The opposite thing happens when I dislike someone. Meetings tend to be accidental. And awkward. The silence must be filled. This is what weather is for. The vagaries of weather are a convenient resource. Who thought it would rain this hard today. Isn’t the snow beautiful but treacherous. It’s cold but sunny. Isn’t the sun wonderful? You do know I hate your guts, right?

Why do I like some people and dislike others? I like warmth and spontaneity. A good sense of humor. A capacity for pessimism and wit. I like a cynical wit. People obsessed with always being positive are upsetting. They make me contract. Pull my head back into my shell. Why is this? I don’t trust positive people. It’s usually contrived. It’s not authentic. It’s a put on. It’s what society expects. The more toxic the society, the more it demands its citizens display a positive outlook. The pursuit of happiness becomes a tyranny. It’s easy to smile with a knife behind your back. Nobody has ever just been honest and said “I don’t like you.” How would I respond to that? I have no idea. It wouldn’t feel good. But there would be a funny relief. The weight of pretense removed like a cumbersome armor. I’d feel lighter. And more than a little excited. It’s exciting when someone I dislike dislikes me. I feel I’m doing a good job being myself. Representing whatever it is I’m in the business of representing. Whatever set of values. But if someone I like dislikes me, this is an unhappy situation, and one I don’t know how to negotiate. It's happened a few times. There’s really not much you can do. Extortion won’t work. Blackmail is out of the question. Sycophancy is off-putting. You just accept it. And talk about the weather.