Pandemia

What happens when corporations take over the government a convoy of trucks carrying face masks is protected by armed guard my hands are getting rough & dry after all the washing these are slippery times human beings are so disconnected from the realities of this planet Amazon is nervous about the existential dangers of a workforce unionizing in the warehouses New York City now has nearly 52,000 confirmed cases of COVID-19 after Trump hyped Chloroquine as a Covid-19 cure a man in Arizona died trying to self-medicate with a version of the chemical used in fish tanks

All the major airports are nearly empty there’s hardly any traffic no one is traveling the sky is much quieter without planes there are so many people out walking we have to do zigzag formations when we go for our afternoon run we wipe everything down with Lysol we’re careful not to be too conspicuous when we feed the crows some of the neighbors are hostile toward feeding crows & worry about peanut shells in their rain gutters poop on their cars if need be I will protect our toilet paper with flame-throwing farts

I like opening doors better than closing them everyone hated the Gal Gadot video douche bag self-infatuated narcissistic celebrities singing John Lennon’s Imagine what the fuck does that song have to do with people dying of a rogue planetary virus the best way to feel the future is to put on a hat and go outside

I’ve always got the feeling of trying to hang on to a planet as it disappears exponentially day by day Puget Sound is lifeless the starfish are all gone John Fogerty sings “Who’ll Stop The Rain” in his backyard & posts it on YouTube everyone is trying to stay connected corporate power seems more dug in than ever & are profiting hugely from a stimulus bill putting more money in their coffers while the rest of the population out of work & hungry & crazy with anxiety & panic get crumbs Umair Haque says the United States is committing economic suicide I agree the fucks at the top don’t understand that it’s the people below in the service industry & schools & trucks & cafeterias & construction sites that are generating their wealth all they understand is equations based on nothing

It's hard living in a world with no future there’s always a pulse in music no one has a destiny there’s no such thing as destiny destinies are a fiction what the pandemic has revealed about the United States is shocking everyone seems a little traumatized by its gross incompetence its egregious lack of supplies & personnel the total lack of leadership the price gouging & profiteering the lack of any federal paid sick leave policies medical insurance companies jacking up premiums the spread of the virus due to inadequate testing

I worry constantly about the presence of any symptoms a slightly sore throat a little extra fatigue coughing or sneezing or achy muscles the news media is appalling spreading outright falsehoods perpetuating junk arguments & total lies in a craven opportunistic move to score ratings & political points 

Yesterday we had bean & bacon soup & watched Mickey Rooney on Twilight Zone grow into a giant of maladjusted rage we still have some little degree of normalcy here & there we have time & space & a forward direction though I avoid thoughts of the future it doesn’t lead anywhere good I often think my end was already envisioned in my beginning this is everyone’s dilemma our existence stems from a condition of non-existence I have no memories of the birth canal but I’ve seen people die I’ve seen the look of peace on their faces almost sublime with vacancy & the absence of pain

I always feel afloat in ambiguity I try to stay six feet away from everyone we miss going to restaurants what is darkening on the horizon is Cormac McCarthy’s The Road

It’s bizarre to get angry at neighbors who have guests over during a pandemic how would I feel if I never existed the streets are crowded with people out walking there’s a lot of fear & discussion on the web over our vulnerability as a population in crisis & isolation of the deep state assuming greater authority & power people aren’t able to go into the streets & protest everyone craves authority someone to lead someone to take the wheel & get us to safety & that sentiment is easily taken advantage of by despotic agents

We use a pink sponge to clean dishes a blue sponge for wiping off the kitchen counters & dining table everyone is making a sacrifice by staying home social distancing is our only weapon there are no vaccines it’s unsettling to feel threatened by something you can’t see I wash my hands constantly & try not to touch my face will something like normalcy ever return or will each of us continue to live like a tarantula in a glass jar

Hospital tents have been set up in Central Park I like going up cobblestoned Comstock on our walks will we be forever untethered the virus propagates exponentially, like words, big storm clouds on the horizon machines making machines the water in the canals of Venice have become clear due to the lack of boats & tourists no one can paint a glass of water like Jean-Baptiste-Simeon Chardin

How does the virus invade cells even the buskers are out of work a virus is an infectious submicroscopic particle which replicates at the interior of the cells of living organisms I grab an Oreo cookie every time I go into the kitchen for something are memories movies or more like visitations from the past we should treat all of our emotions as guests I watch Stevie Ray Vaughan play Cold Shot on YouTube & later a Bach cello concerto I love the deep sound of wood pulled from the cello the virus is ruining the livelihoods of people including musicians & stand-up comics & thereby hangs a tale

This is the strangest spring I’ve ever witnessed it brings me into a philosophical arena what is thought what do your guts tell you sunrise in Reykjavik maybe the pandemic will be socially transformative in a good way but this feels naïve I hear the chirping of a robin water whispering through the building plumbing there’s nowhere else to go right now except the most elusive place of all which right here right now prisms of split light the dance of colors on the kitchen floor the smell of lavender a load of laundry pulled warm from the dryer words propagating in a contagion of uncertainty & infinite possibility